A member of my team is looking for a new job and only told me. Is it a conflict to be a reference?

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An excellent member of my team, who I have worked with for three years, just told me they are looking for a new job with higher pay. She asked that I not tell anyone else, and said she told me as a courtesy, and also to ask for advice and for me to be a reference. We have a great working relationship, which is why I think she felt comfortable letting me know. But I feel conflicted because I would love to keep her, but I know we can’t afford the pay she wants. Should I try harder to keep her? Is it considered a conflict of interest if I help her or become a reference without letting HR or my supervisor know?
Nadini Dukhu, team lead, HR Services, MaxPeople HR, Markham, Ont.
I believe it is always worth trying to keep an excellent employee given that retaining talent is critical in today’s environment. Aside from the costs associated with replacing the individual, there are many potential costs to the existing team including losing other employees. On that basis, I suggest you seek to understand if more compensation is the only motivator that is prompting her need for change. Conduct a stay interview, ask if she wants to remain with your company and prepare to hear what else may be affecting her decision to leave. If there are issues beyond compensation, try to come up with creative solutions to satisfy both parties.
Next, challenge what you think you know and demonstrate your desire to try to keep her. Explain to the employee that the impact of maintaining secrecy is that you are not able to negotiate or advocate on her behalf and speak to the value she brings to the team. If she is amenable to you speaking with HR or your supervisor, ensure you prepare for the conversation. Come armed with strong, tangible reasons why it is in the company’s best interests to pay her more and retain her.
Lastly, if there are no options left to retain her, know that there is no conflict of interest to provide a reference. Furthermore, by providing a reference, you demonstrate trust and support for her career growth. This aligns with setting employees up for success, whether within your organization or elsewhere.
Laura M. Muir, chief human resources officer, Polaris Transportation Group, Mississauga
I can empathize with your inner conflict in terms of your friend wanting to change her career path and grow, and given our financial climate, she sounds motivated. I believe that she may also be seeking your encouragement, because embarking toward a new job can be daunting. Whatever your course of action, let your friend know how you intend to proceed.
You should have a confidential conversation with human resources to inform them of your friend’s predicament, but also that you were asked to be a reference. There may be a policy on references at your company. If not, there should be no issue offering one. It is your friend’s prerogative if and when she discloses to your supervisor, but tell her to think of the team and provide sufficient notice.
Human resources should initiate a stay interview to determine if your friend can provide insight into her reason for wanting to leave. If the influencing factors are solely financial, perhaps HR can offer a potential internal opportunity that pays more. This would be a way to retain a valuable employee. Depending on what stage your friend is at with her job search, this also allows HR to initiate a search for a backfill, thus promoting team continuity.
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